09 November 2005
About damn time!

I'm feeling pretty bitchy right now. I had appointments yesterday and today--nothing like getting poked, prodded and tortured two days running! Yesterday was a consultant anesthesiologist, he's supposed to come up with a non-pharmaceutical method of pain control for me. After his exam he told me that he thinks my nerve endings have become tangled up in the mesh they used for the first surgery--and that's what's causing all the pain.

But he won't touch me until I see a colleague of his, a uro-gyn, to see if there are any other surgical steps they can take to fix the problem. That will probably mean a laparoscopy, and more time off work--and then potentially another surgery, bringing me to a total of 8 in 10 months. Yea.

The anesthesiologist said he can do temporary or permanent nerve blocks to relieve the pain, but they might make me pee my pants all the time and not even know about it. I'm still debating--do I want to pee my pants sometimes and be stoned from narcotic pain meds, or do I want to feel fine and pee my pants all the time? What would you choose? Hmm.....decisions, decisions.

Today was the urologist. Another set of cystoscopy, urodynamics, and some other fun and painful torture. So I'm not feeling very good and I'm whiny. At least I'll get some new drugs next week that will hopefully work better.

The bottom line? I'm finally going back to work next week. I mean, it's only been 5 months this time around, that's not too bad, right?! Seriously though, I'm going back for half-days for the first month and we'll play it by ear after that.

I'm not actually doing any better, but I haven't gotten much worse either. It doesn't seem like staying home and taking it easy is helping anything, besides keeping me more comfortable, so it's time to give it a try.

I really had to work to convince my doctor to let me go back--he didn't want me to because I'm having problems with my pain meds again---ie they're not working--and I'm still peeing all the time when I don't mean to. I've developed a tolerance to the meds again, and it's time to move on to something stronger.

The dr. didn't think it was a good idea to give me stronger meds then send me back, and it may not be, but I'm doing it anyway. I think my exact words were, "At this point I don't care if I pee on the general's feet, I have to go back!

My reasoning is that it's just been too damn long. I need to get back before they decide they don't need me anymore. But my feeling was justified when I found out that they're "right-sizing" my paygrade--that's a euphemism for "Oops, we fucked up and got too many new people a couple years ago, so now we're going to kick a bunch of them out". Nice, eh?

I probably don't have to worry about anything--I'm ranked 2 of 13 in my peer group even though I haven't been there (I was pretty impressed!), and also because they can't kick me out until they fix me or have exhausted all options and all hope of fixing me. Either way, I really don't want to lose my job, not after 15 years and a whole lot of really hard work. Another 5 years and I'm set for life once I can retire. I'm NOT going now.

Sorry for the bitchiness--if it's any consolation, I feel a lot better now! Thanks for the venting opportunity, and I hope ya'll are feeling better than I am! :)

Julie out.

posted by Julie at 4:42 PM 8 comments


Blogger Jen said...

Wow, that's a pretty tough decision. I don't know which I'd pick.

I'm glad you're getting to go back, I hope it works out this time. Hugs to you!

Wed Nov 09, 08:51:00 PM GMT  
Blogger mommyguilt said...

Hey, feel free to bitch away! That's what we're here for. You're absolutely right, it's a tough decision to make and I really don't know which I'd choose.

It will be nice for you to get back to work though!

Thu Nov 10, 05:39:00 PM GMT  
Blogger Renee said...

You said that the nerve blocker could be temporary, right? I think I would go for that. I would much rather feel fine all the time than be stoned. I'm assuming that you are wearing something currently to take care of the peeing.

Is it at all possible to figure out how often your body would expell the urine? If so maybe you could just be in the loo when that was supposed to happen... I don't know of course and feel free to hate me for being so stupid about this.

I do know that I have to pee what seems like all the time, but I know it's coming. I should see a doc about this, but when I'm all PMSing I think my swolen uterus pushes against my bladder causing stress and more trips to the loo. (btw: loo is shorter to type than all the American names for it.) I'm reluctant to go because I don't want drugs...I want to be cured. LOL!

I know you want to be all better too and I pray that happens for you soon.

Sun Nov 13, 03:56:00 PM GMT  
Blogger Bonanza Jellybean said...

Wow- take care. I'll be thinking about you!!

Wed Nov 16, 03:51:00 AM GMT  
Blogger Lora said...

I think it's great that you are able to go back bit by bit with work. Most places do not take care of their own like that.

Wed Nov 16, 06:42:00 AM GMT  
Blogger Bossy♥'s YOU said...

U poor thing...I sure hope they can get you fixed sometime soon..

I vote for peeing and being stoned..at least that way u have no memroey of it:-)

Thu Nov 17, 12:43:00 AM GMT  
Anonymous D Bunny said...

Oh honey, what you go through. I'm so sorry. :(

Thu Nov 17, 07:03:00 AM GMT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your day. I just had the bitchiest exam by a nurse ever today. I wish they would be courteous if they are poking and prodding us. It's not like we want to be in there!

I have my urodynamic studies at urologist soon for some issues with urine retention/gyn. issues and I'm kind of scared about multiple sclerosis lately as I haven't been able to find much info about it. Every time I google urine retention m.s. comes up.

Feel free to email me if you need to bitch about medical stuff. It sucks to be sick!

Mom with bladder issues

Thu Jun 01, 08:35:00 AM GMT+1  

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