17 June 2005
This is it...I've had it!!

I've kicked him out. I've kicked my husband out of my bed. The damn fool snores---bad. (what were you thinking?). I've told him he can take his noctural performance of "Requiem to a Jackhammer" elsewhere.

To be fair, when we married I knew he snored. He snored like a normal human then. You know, we ALL snore occasionally. That's what he used to be like. If he rolled on his back, he would snore like a ...well, you know...really talented snorer. A straight-A snorer. If it was an Olympic sport, he could snore for England. It was cute, and kind of endearing. "Oh, what a cute little British snore--even snoring sounds better with an accent!" :)

Then it got better. And better and better and better. He took to snoring no matter what position I pushed his ass into in the middle of the night. On his side, his back, on the floor; it didn't matter. The only reprieve I had was pinching his nostrils together. He would sort of shudder, then gasp for breath through his mouth----and it would gain me a 10 to 15 minute stay of execution. And I learned to deal with it, and we moved on.

Then, over the last six months, his problem has quickly gotten worse. He now snores not only when he exhales, but also when he inhales. How does that work?!? Last night when I was getting ready for bed it hit me like a ton of bricks. This is unbearable! I could hear his snoring over my electric toothbrush. I was three doors down the hall, with 2 closed doors between us. I kid you not. And if I was reading this in someone else's blog--I would totally not believe it. I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't personally experienced it.

So, I went to bed. And tossed and turned. And turned and tossed. And stared, pleadingly, at the alarm clock. 2 am. 3 am. 4 am. And everytime I drifted off, the jackhammer with asthma that I married woke me up. And there was not a damn thing I could do about it. Short of suffocating him with the pillow (which I did actually consider; after the birds started singing, and the sun came over the horizon. And I was STILL awake, and he was sleeping like a baby. Yes, I thought about it. But I didn't do it, which, alone, should earn me a spot in heaven).

And I fell asleep, like a refugee, on the couch downstairs; at 6 this morning. And my beloved kids woke me up at 7:30. So, tonight, my husband will sleep in a different room. For my sanity, and his well-being.

And that's it.

EDITED TO ADD: I had a GREAT night's sleep! DH stayed on the couch, and I slept like a baby! We're going to have to work out some arrangement here....


posted by Julie at 10:45 PM 13 comments

13 Comments:

Blogger Jen said...

My goodness, that sounds like sleep apnea! That could explain why he's tired a lot, too.

Can you get him checked for that? That can be really serious (and not just because of murderous bed partners...)

Unless, that is, he's still trying to qualify for the Olympic team, you wouldn't want to screw up his chance to Snore for the Gold!

Fri Jun 17, 11:43:00 PM GMT+1  
Blogger TaraMetBlog said...

aww, I know I'm so bad about other people snoring. I do know for men they tend to snore more as they get older :( Definitely don't envy your situation, good luck!

Fri Jun 17, 11:46:00 PM GMT+1  
Blogger Rizoh said...

LOL. I'm glad I don't snore but you know 9 out of 10 men snore.

Fri Jun 17, 11:59:00 PM GMT+1  
Blogger Jaws said...

LOLOL My hubby is still in that cute snore stage.. but..

As the night progresses he starts to sleep in the middle of the bed. He is like a tank. You can't move him and if you wake him up he is crankier then hell. SO then I am holding on the edge for dear life and my arm is resting on the end table. The sofa is more comfy.

Sat Jun 18, 01:02:00 AM GMT+1  
Blogger Renee said...

I would have him visit the vet oops! the doctor. It might be something as simple as having his adenoids removed (had mine removed as a kid) or it could be something worse.
I don't know if my DH has gotten worse or if I'm just sleeping lighter 'cuz he's getting anoying too. Luckily we have a nice guest room available. :D

Sat Jun 18, 01:59:00 AM GMT+1  
Blogger Bossy♥'s YOU said...

has he gained any weight recentley?..my hubby snores bad too..I often jab him in the night to stop him form boterhing my sleep a few times a night..or I yelll at him to roll over..i fell your pain...but my hubbys probelm doesnt even compare to your delima..have him get some of those strips you put on your nose to stop snoring..I will pray for my child..I will pray..lol

Sat Jun 18, 02:33:00 AM GMT+1  
Anonymous bou said...

Listen to Jen. My uncle snored like that and had apnea. It ended up permanently effecting his heart... Get him checked out.

Sat Jun 18, 02:46:00 AM GMT+1  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bitch

Sat Jun 18, 05:36:00 AM GMT+1  
Blogger Lora said...

Definitely time to see the doctor, although looking at that last comment I think you may have to drag him kicking and screaming.

I had a college roommate who snored like that sometimes, especially after a night of drinking. Horrible!

Sat Jun 18, 07:40:00 AM GMT+1  
Blogger Milt Bogs said...

That sounds bad. I strongly advise you not to search google news for snoring.

Sat Jun 18, 11:15:00 AM GMT+1  
Blogger Julie said...

Jen, Bou and Lora-- yes that has crossed my mind. He has GOT to get seen about it.

tara--do you mean it's going to get worse???

rizoh--are you sure?

renee and christina--I hope your men don't get worse! Good luck!

anonymous--thanks, I try! :)

milt--that's just wrong! I can see, in an insomniac frenzy, how you could go temporaily insane...but she had to go all the way down to the basement, in the afternoon!!! She needs help...

Sat Jun 18, 01:36:00 PM GMT+1  
Blogger Sheri said...

LOL...love the comment from Anonymous there.

My DH is the same way. Not always, but often enough that our rule is i HAVE to be asleep before he goes to sleep (not big deal, he's a nightowl anyway).

Sat Jun 18, 01:41:00 PM GMT+1  
Blogger Sparkling said...

The thought of Sleep Apnea crossed my mind also. Sure sounds like the symptoms for it that I've heard about. Sleep apnea is most dangerous in children, who can actually die from it. But certainly isn't something to shrug off in adults either, as it can deteriorate your health. You had the resolve not to cover his head with a pillow, and you've endured the snoring this long, so obviously you love him. Get him to a Dr. if at all possible.

Blessings to you!
-Sparkling

http://www.tinyzoo.com

Thu Jun 23, 09:52:00 PM GMT+1  

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